The Ballad of Morbid and Putrid By Sawyer Lovett

The Ballad of Morbid and Putrid

.

How many times

Did she tell me I’d be

p e r f e c t

if I were a boy,

further pulverizing my

tender lesbian heart.

.

& here I am

all these years later;

relocations & relationships,

addiction & recovery,

all these miles & memories later.

.

They say you never forget

your first

            crush

            love

            heartbreak

& I am certain, having outlived mine

remembering is memorial.

.

I will always wonder

what she would think

of the boy I became;

of the man in progress

of the person she knew

but never really met.

Would I be perfect now

in this same skin, differently shaped?

.

I will always miss her

will always wonder

if knowing myself earlier

could have saved us both.

.

Sawyer Lovett is a writer, bookseller, and professor. He is a pretty good person, but he is always trying to be better.

.

.

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